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21 April 2008 @ 01:36 pm
My local branch of Carpetright, which I try and pay a visit to every week just in case I need a reminder to pick up some Polystyl vinyl flooring, is currently advertising a sale which they've chosen to call Carpet Madness. This is unsurprisingly similar to the previous Carpet Madness sale, which ended at 10pm on Tuesday 11th March. It's an odd phrase to use. Obviously they're not trying to draw comparisons between the purchase of carpets and mental illness – they've knocked that on the head ever since their ill-fated "Batshit Rug Nutter" promotion of 1998 – but it's still not working for me. It's conjuring up an image of a shop rammed with people on the verge of hysteria, waving small squares of traditionally patterned Axminsters whilst foaming at the mouth and hurling jelly. Whereas, of course my local branch of Carpetright is, as ever, completely bloody empty.

I've been thinking quite a lot about Tooting, recently. That's fairly easily done, of course, because I live there. But with the imminent collapse of the global economy and a future dependent on barter – swapping my skills as a bass guitar player for dry crusts of bread and so on – I've pretty much given up any hope of moving to a sumptuous house in leafy suburbia. Rather than loathe Tooting for imprisoning me within its grotty boundaries, I should try and learn to love the local area. This was made slightly easier yesterday with the revelation that CAMRA's Pub Of The Year 2006 is actually within striking distance of my flat. In fact, thanks to the GMap Pedometer, I've worked out that it's 1.4756 miles via the scenic route that takes in the scary railway bridge. I know that the GMap Pedometer wasn't created in order to find out how long it takes to slob over to your nearest decent boozer. but it's interesting to note that I'll burn around 400 calories getting there and back. And as each pint of beer only contains one, solitary calorie, this seems like a foolproof weight loss plan.

Anyway, I searched for the pub online, and found this glorious picture of it, which, by coincidence, was taken by fellow LiveJournaller hoshuteki. Small world.

Look how tiny it is. It looks like you could get about a dozen people in there, as long as they liked each other. They've got a Beer Festival there on Friday, featuring such glorious beers as Barnsley Glory, Cornish Mutiny, Blond Witch, East Street Cream and Mine Beer, which will obviously throw up some magnificent conversations along the lines of "Is that mine?" "No, it's Mine." "Yours? "No, your Mine – or is it My mine?" "What?" "Oh, f#ck off, I never liked you, or your stupid wife." That kind of thing. Anyway, The Trafalgar haven't advertised this event as Beer Madness. And, as a result, they'll probably get people turning up. Carpetright take note.
Doetja: pavordoetja on April 21st, 2008 02:40 pm (UTC)
Um... did you just pinpoint your flat on a map in a public entry? Did your mother never warn you about Internet Ax Murderers? Read a tabloid, you foolhardy man!
Rhodri Marsdenrhodri on April 21st, 2008 02:44 pm (UTC)
Genuine mistake. Although if people want to murder me with an axe, I might be at the above pub on Friday night.
(no subject) - sbp on April 21st, 2008 05:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
robsoft on April 21st, 2008 02:43 pm (UTC)
If that Blond Witch beer is the Blond(e?) Witch that I'm pretty sure I've tried before, then it will surely lead to Beer Madness.

Be warned. :-)
McGazzmcgazz on April 21st, 2008 02:45 pm (UTC)
> Carpet Madness

I did snigger the other day when a particularly right-on blog I peruse had banned a regular commenter for using "vocabulary related to mental distress as an insult". I'd describe it as "political correctness gone mad", but then I'd be doing it as well.
insert_tokeninsert_token on April 21st, 2008 02:46 pm (UTC)
Good to know, I'm moving to Colliers Wood in a fortnight, so I'll have to test which bit of marketing works better on me. You haven't pinpointed Carpetright on your pedometer though, so I guess I'll have to just follow the madness for myself.
Rhodri Marsdenrhodri on April 21st, 2008 03:05 pm (UTC)
That's the third person I "know" who has moved to Colliers Wood in a matter of weeks. Marvellous.
(no subject) - insert_token on April 21st, 2008 03:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rhodri on April 21st, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ewanhoshuteki on April 21st, 2008 02:48 pm (UTC)
Oh yes, they have good beer at that pub. I'd also highly recommend the Sultan, which should also be in walking distance (and is bigger):

Sultan, South Wimbledon, SW19
Rhodri Marsdenrhodri on April 21st, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC)
Aye, I know the Sultan. It's a bit... bare.
(no subject) - hoshuteki on April 21st, 2008 03:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
The Black Regentg0ldt00th on April 21st, 2008 02:50 pm (UTC)
That GMaps Pedometer site is amazing! I've been looking for something just like that as I was wondering about the difference in distance between the scenic route to my studio (which takes me past The Prince George) or the more straightforward route. As the difference is minimal I'll carry on with the scenic route.

Also, you expressed disdain at the current state of The George recently. Have you tried The Prince Arthur on Forest Road? It's my favourite local by far.
Ewanhoshuteki on April 21st, 2008 02:54 pm (UTC)
The Prince Arthur in Hackney? It's always so busy in there! I quite like the Spurstowe Arms.
(no subject) - g0ldt00th on April 21st, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rhodri on April 21st, 2008 02:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hoshuteki on April 21st, 2008 03:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rhodri on April 21st, 2008 02:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Dr Jimjimyojimbo on April 21st, 2008 03:13 pm (UTC)
It's Carpet Madness at Suggs' Rugs!
oldbloke: old tomoldbloke on April 21st, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC)
I was immediately transported back to the heady days of Reefer Madness.
I suspect that's not the image they had in mind either.

I haven't been to a pub properly for AGES. Last time was just for the bowls club AGM and I only had 2 pints. I really ought to go out and get slaughtered sometime instead of sitting at home sharing a pleasant merlot in a civilised manner with the missus while watching telly. Even last time I did get legless was at home, that anged and iainh are terrible influences, but at least I didn't wake up in a gutter (or the canal) doing it that way.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - oldbloke on April 22nd, 2008 07:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
oldbloke: posterizedoldbloke on April 22nd, 2008 08:00 am (UTC)
Oh, I've drunk in the Olde Vic. I used to live in Edgeley.
I remember once being in the pub under the motorway, um, The Crown, some kid came in and asked for a pint of bitter, and the barmaid said "Which one? We've got 6".

Edited at 2008-04-22 08:00 am (UTC)
(no subject) - oldbloke on April 22nd, 2008 08:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
miramangamiramanga on April 21st, 2008 03:37 pm (UTC)
I was in Tooting Broadway on Saturday night - I went to The Castle for a function and I thought of you! xx
Hawksley Newhammiss_newham on April 21st, 2008 06:50 pm (UTC)
I believe we went to that pub on a Tube Walk. (Ah, there's a bunch of people I recognise in the corner of the photo, so indeed we did.) It was about the size of my bedsit, half of it was given over to people playing jazz and the other half was mostly old people watching the jazz. It was pretty good.
Monkeyhandsmonkeyhands on April 21st, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
Have you ever been to Sarnie Asylum? Nor have I, but apparently it's the solution for crazy cravings.
Catemscate on April 21st, 2008 11:56 pm (UTC)
I always thought working in a carpet/flooring shop would be one of the worst jobs on earth.
marycigarettesmarycigarettes on April 23rd, 2008 02:30 am (UTC)
Rhodri Marsdenrhodri on April 23rd, 2008 06:47 am (UTC)
You know what, I searched for "Carpet Madness" on Google just before I wrote this entry, and an Ab Fab script popped up.
sm255sm255 on April 23rd, 2008 10:07 am (UTC)
for your booky thing
Hiya just thought I would see if you knew about this conference
which is about Funny Internet Memes and that, and might be interesting for your book?

Rhodri Marsdenrhodri on April 23rd, 2008 11:36 am (UTC)
Re: for your booky thing
If I lived a few thousand miles to the west, I might even go. Gah.